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Welcome back to Leveraging Operations and Leadership , the podcast where we bridge the gap between high-impact leadership and operational excellence . I'm your host , tanya D Harrison , leadership consultant , operation strategist and someone who is deeply committed to helping you lead with clarity , capability and confidence . Today we're talking about one of the most common leadership traps . This is the need to prove yourself . Especially if you are new to a role managing your first team or stepping into senior leadership , this desire for validation can quietly creep in and run your leadership journey right off

The hidden costs of trying to prove your worth

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track . You start by saying yes to everything , over delivering , over explaining and burning yourself and your team out really fast . But let's get clear you are hired for the value you bring , not to prove your worth . They've already seen something in you in order for you to get promoted or hired into that organization . So in this episode , I'll walk through five key shifts to move from seeking validation to delivering real value . These shifts will help you to reposition yourself as a grounded strategic leader who leads on purpose , not just for praise . Let's dig in ,

Shift 1: From Likability to Trust

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all right . So shift number one let's start here . Shift number one is about being able to go from do they like me to do they trust me ? A lot of times when we are new in our role or new to positions , we want people to like us right . So , whether it be our team , our peers , we are really big on do they like me ? Newsflash being liked is not what gets you results . If you want to yield real results , you need to focus on being trusted . Okay , so chasing approval ? It really leads to confusion . What happens is , when leaders focus on being light , they often hesitate to make tough calls because they think about what people are going to say and feel , and also they fail to set clear boundaries , which hurts your leadership presence you really want to focus on . How do you gain your team's trust ? There's some data that backs this up . Research by Harvard Business Review shows that the trust is the number one factor that determines team performance . This is more than skills , more than experience , more than your leadership charisma , more than them liking you . They need to trust you . Being trusted it doesn't mean that everybody's going to agree with you that's not what it's all about but it does mean that they believe in your intentions , your judgment and your follow through . And a key reminder here is that trust isn't built through one big action . It's built through small actions over time . It's what you do on a regular basis . This is why it's so important to have a leadership rhythm right . So let's talk about , for example , communication being consistent with your one-on-ones , having team meetings , giving feedback and follow-up this is a part of your leadership rhythm . Having clear expectations so people know what's expected , and consistent follow-up All of those are things that are a part of your leadership rhythm and you do them on a regular basis . And by doing them on a regular basis , you are now showing people that you can be trusted . So , instead of chasing approval , build trust through consistency , authenticity , transparency and follow through . And if you want to hear more about building trust , you can check out episode 25 , building trust and resilience and leadership . I dropped a couple of gems in there so you can head over to that after you listen to this one . And just to reiterate again trust isn't built through one big action . It's built through small actions over time .

Shift 2: Leading Instead of Doing Everything

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Okay , shift number two . This is where you are going to move from . I'll do it all to . I'll lead the right things , and this is a big one , a part of trying to prove your value . You end up trying to touch everything , but when leaders become the doers of everything , you actually become the bottleneck . You are the one that's actually impeding progress , and that's not a place that you want to be right . So another stat for you according to a Gallup study , leaders who delegate effectively generate 33% more revenue than those who don't . Effectively generate 33% more revenue than those who don't . Delegation is the name of the game .

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There was a time that I felt like I had to do everything . If my boss gave me an assignment , I had to do it because they were expecting me to do it . And then there was a part of me where I wanted to make sure it was done right , so I felt like I needed to do it . What that did was that put me in the middle . That made me the bottleneck . There were things that couldn't get done until I did my part , and it really hurt the team . Instead of helping the team , it stopped our progress . We didn't move as fast as we could have moved and I had to learn right . I had to learn with a mentor , that kind of like called me out on it and she basically said you have a whole team , but you're doing it Like literally in a meeting . I made the statement that I was still working on it and the response was you're working on it like you have a whole team . And while initially I was embarrassed , I was like , oh my God , like she called me out , but the truth of the matter is she was right .

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I was hired to lead the team , not to do the work , and I had to learn how to delegate . So , you know , one of the things that I learned is that position leaders don't just manage tasks , they empower people . They focus their time on doing the things that they can do , which is the strategy , development and decision-making . By me delegating , I was empowering my team . I was teaching them things , they were learning , they enjoyed it . They even told me that they enjoyed it , like , oh my goodness , I'm learning something new . So it really helps grow the team .

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And then , by me delegating and developing them , I could now focus on some of the things that I needed to focus on . It was extremely eye-opening , right , and it doesn't mean that I never did any of the tasks that my team did . I did do it . I did roll up my sleeves and do some of the work at times , but it was with intention . It wasn't about , you know , me wanting to make sure it was right or validation , or wanting credit , anything like that . My goal when I was doing it was to bond with my team and I wanted to show them that I don't ask them to do anything that I wouldn't do , and this was really big for them . They like that . They , you know they responded to that for them . They like that , they , you know they responded to that .

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So you know , we have to remember that when you're proving , you want to be seen doing everything , but real leadership is about results , not recognition , and real leadership is about developing others . So the better you position your team , the more position you become as a credible , capable leader . And just to kind of , you know , wrap this up , a McKinsey report found that companies with strong leadership , bench strength and team recognition practices are 4.2 times more likely to outperform competitors in revenue growth . So it's not just about developing your teams , it's also about recognizing them when they do things well . So that's a part of it as well , all right . So that is shift number two . We are not trying to do all of the things . We are leading the right things ,

Shift 3: Setting Leadership Boundaries

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all right . So let's keep going . That's shift number two . Shift number three I need to say yes to I lead with boundaries .

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This is something that is not just professional , but it bleeds over from our personal lives as well . We have to get better at having boundaries in our life in general . I'm talking about from a professional perspective . But just saying , when you're stuck in the proving mode , yes becomes the default response . You're saying yes to extra tasks , you're saying yes to unreasonable timelines and you're saying yes to things that don't align with the goal or even with your role . It's often driven by fear , right so ? Fear of being seen as difficult , replaceable , not a team player , not enough . You know , like I can't do it , and all of those things start to flood our minds . But position leaders don't say yes to prove loyalty . They make decisions to protect capacity and impact . Remember , we're talking about value here .

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So I told this story before , where I was in the meeting with the CEO and our CEO would come up with these brilliant ideas at 3 am in the morning and then he'd bring them in and call everybody into a meeting and he would say you know , hey , I want to do X , y , z and many of the people around the table would say yes . And these are high level execs , and I just happened to be in the room a lot of times with this level of people , even when I was a manager . So I learned a lot and I realized that there were a lot of people around the room would say , yes , great idea , great idea . Oh , yeah , let's do it , even if they felt that it couldn't be done . There was this one guy , and he was from the accounting department , and he would say yes , but it was how he said .

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Yes , he would say if we want to do that in the timeframe that you want to get it done , here's what we can't do . So he was basically presenting options , but he was allowing the CEO to say yes or no . Right ? Yes , I want to continue doing this . So he would say , okay , if we wanna do this , that means that we can't do X Y Z . If we want to do this , that means it's going to cost us two million dollars over here , and then we can't do X Y Z .

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So he would literally , yes , lay it out where , yes , we could do it . But he would remind the CEO OK , when we do this , here's the impact over here on the opposite side . So , in essence , he was reframing and this is where I really started to understand how reframing works . And so he was really saying no because he knew some of the other things that you know the CEO would have to forego . We couldn't , because they align with the mission . They were the core of what it was that we were doing , and what our CEO was now asking us to do would derail all of that . He knew all of that , but instead of saying no , he refrained it in a way where he presented okay , we could do this , but here's what can't get done , and I think that we have to be really cognizant of how we do more of that right .

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So it's not just a blanket yes , it's . You know what I mean ? It's laying things out and making sure that they understand . So one of the things that you want to practice saying is is that when somebody gives you something or ask you to do something , you make the statement let me review this in context of my priorities and get back to you , and this buys you time . And then it also sets priority and it models intentional leadership . Now they know that they can't come to you and ask you to do anything and you're going to stop what you're doing to totally do that .

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And if this request is coming from your boss , like in the instance of the CEO , right , you can reframe it and you can lay out the other priorities that they have given you , or you can ask them to meet and reassess priorities . Here's the five things that I have that I'm already working on . Where does this new priority fit in Right ? So I'm not saying no , that I'm not going to do it , I'm saying where does it sit ? You've already given me these other five things .

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So you know , because we have to remember that , two things everything can get done , but not at the same time . I can get done the five priorities you already gave me and this one , but they're not going to all get done at the same time because we have limited resources unless they're willing to go beyond that , and every yes is a trade-off and a position leader , you protect your time and you protect the vision . So if you've been given instructions where , so if you've been given , you know , instructions where I'll just say , as an example , we need to reduce turnaround time , and now you're giving something that is going to contradict that or impede with the success of that . You need to let that be known and then they can either redefine what that goal is or usually what happens is they think and they say , ok , well , maybe we can't do this right now , but you have to remember is that if you're just saying yes , yes , yes , yes , yes , they're thinking that is all going to get done , we're going to meet all of the timelines , it's not going to impact anything or anyone right ? So you have to set those boundaries or anyone right ? So you have to set those boundaries right . So boundaries , they're not barriers , they're leadership tools that allow you to protect your focus and your team's clarity and your ability to lead with purpose . If you're constantly switching back and forth , that means your team is doing the same thing Again . You're impeding progress . Your team is doing the same thing Again , you're impeding progress . You are the one that has to reframe it to have these conversations with people instead of just being the yes person . And that can be tough , right , that can be tough , but you have to have boundaries and your team is going to thank you for it and your boss will thank you for it , because there may be some things that they forgot or they're not aware of because they're not involved at that level .

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All right , shift number

Shift 4: Communicating Your Impact Strategically

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four . Here's where we are going from I hope they see my impact , to communicating it clearly instead of sitting back and waiting for somebody to see it . Validation-focused leaders wait to be noticed . Positioned leaders communicate strategically right . So it's not about bragging , it's about briefing .

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And here's something that you'll find I struggle with a lot of these right , which is how I learned I struggle with this because one of the things that I always thought or I grew up hearing a lot was you have to be humble , and about having humility , and so I understand . I know it can be challenging , but what I've learned here's . What I've learned is that being humble doesn't mean being invisible . What it does mean is that I need to stay grounded while owning my impact . So me sharing my progress , my wins , me sharing how I bring value . That is not about me not being humble , and that's why I started by saying you're not bragging , you're briefing .

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I'm letting people know what's going on , I am making sure that they are aware we have to remember that senior and executive leaders are busy and they may not see what you're doing or what you're going on , and there is nothing , absolutely nothing , wrong with sharing , and we can't sit back and wait for people to notice it . Right , it's really hard . It's really hard for a senior leader or somebody else to get behind you in terms of supporting your growth if they don't know what's going on , if they don't know right , so how would they know ? You know , many times they're on a whole different floor than everybody else , but if we're not telling them , if we're not sharing , they don't know the great work that your team and you are actually doing .

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So what you want to do is you want to find ways to strategically share this information and again , when I started doing this , it was a little uncomfortable . So for me , being brought up in this state of you have to stay humble and having humility and then also being an introvert . That was like times two , but I had to find ways . Initially that I wasn't as uncomfortable , right . So the first thing was creating dashboards and monthly impact emails , and it allowed me to share information in writing . I like to write and that was easier for me . So I came up with a dashboard where I would share what was going on every month and then included in it would be an impact email and it would list out some of the highlights of the month .

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This gave me an opportunity to really share some of the things that we were doing within our department and I shared that with my executive leader or a senior leader at the time , on a monthly basis . Half of the things they either didn't know or didn't remember or whatever , and one of the things they either didn't know or didn't remember or whatever and one of the things that you have to remember is that it's a trickle effect . Right , if your team does well , you feel good and you're going to share it . If you're doing well and your team's doing well , your senior leader is going to share it , and that is something that naturally started to happen . The other thing that I would do is , during emails , I would strategically drop little nuggets if we were talking about a specific thing and if I had a win or something that aligned with it , I would say oh yeah , you know , my team did a really great job at da-da-da-da-da , you know , reducing the turnaround time from whatever to whatever . Anytime there was an opportunity , I'm just going to tell you I took it and I shared it , whether it was via a report or a dashboard or in meetings . A lot of times , when you're in meetings before and after their small talk , that was an opportunity , because one of the things I started doing is I would get to the meetings a little early and then , if there was an executive there , a lot of times they're going to ask you so how are things going , how's it doing ? That's an opportunity to share some of this information , and I will say this once I made this shift , things opened up for me .

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I was literally at an organization and I was in the proving phase and I was heads down doing the work and I was just hoping that someone would see my impact . Now were there certain things that they would see and they were like oh yeah , you know , great job , but it didn't go beyond . You know my manager . And then , when I left there and I started at another organization , I decided that there were some things that I needed to do differently . I could not depend on my boss to share what I was doing or even to recognize , with me and my team , the successes that we had . And that's when I started implementing a lot of the things that I'm talking to you about , and what it led to is me being promoted from manager to director in less than 90 days and then to a senior director , and then just taking on additional departments , and this became a part of it , right ? So it wasn't about it wasn't about bragging . It was about sharing all of the goodness , all of the good things . So if we're back there , we're saving money , reducing turnaround times and all of these things . That's could start by allowing them to share wins during meetings or having people over specific metrics and they share that metric out and they talk about it and get them in the habit of doing it . And once I did this , what I realized is they were sharing with people in other departments , who were sharing with their boss , who were sharing with other people . So you know a lot of the impact that we were making , spread it across the organization , simply because we were just talking about some of the things that we did and how we did it , and what that led to was other departments wanting to understand how we did certain things .

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All I'm saying is is that if you come from the state of being humble , I'm not saying that you can't be humble . What I'm saying is there's nothing wrong with sharing the impact that you have , right ? So you know you really want to be able to separate the two , right ? So you can still be humble , but make sure you're grounded , make sure you don't walk around with the big head . How about that ? That's what I'll say . Okay again , bragging and briefing is two different things , and we are just briefing and sharing . Okay , all right .

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So let's go ahead and wrap this up with shift number five . Shift number five is going from am I ready to I'm becoming ? If you've ever thought , oh , I need to prove I belong here , you're not alone , right ? So that's not something that is uncommon and there's a stat that supports this . The International Journal of Behavioral Science found that 70% of professionals experience imposter syndrome at some point in their careers , and it's especially common in new leaders . But I want to remind you leadership isn't about being perfect . It's about being intentional and always in progress . Right ? The shift here that you want to make is choosing growth over perfection . Perfection is going to keep you stuck . Growth is what's going to help you continue to grow and go to the next level , and it also helps you to grow your team and help to grow them to the next level . Let's normalize this . You will make mistakes . You're going to make mistakes , you will get feedback , which is a great thing , and you're gonna get some feedback that may

Shift 5: Embracing Growth Over Perfection

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sting , but that's okay . And you will grow if you stay open to the process . You got to be committed to the process , okay , so you're going to make mistakes , you're going to get feedback . It's not always going to feel great , but you will grow if you stay open to the progress .

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Here's three things that I want to share with you to continue to grow on this leadership journey . The first thing is reflection . You want to develop a reflection routine that allows you to pause and assess , think about what worked , what didn't work , what you can do differently , and I have an entire episode on this . So check out episode 30 called Pause , reflect and Lead entire episode on this . So check out episode 30 called Paul's Reflect and Lead , and during this episode , I share reflection as a tool to becoming a more grounded and intentional leader , because this is a big part of your leadership journey .

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The second thing that you can include is invest in leadership development . Don't wait on your organization to do it . If they do it and they support you , that is great . But even if they don't do it , you make sure that you are investing in yourself and this looks differently , right ? So it goes from reading books to joining organizations , to being a part of a leadership development program . Think about things , how you can grow to the next level because this is your journey at the end of the day and invest in their employees . Great , even if someone isn't sponsoring you , you have to be willing to sponsor yourself . Is it that important to you ?

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The other thing is get a mentor or coach , or even a leadership circle . You wanna surround yourself with people who , number one , is gonna give you that real feedback , no matter how much it stings , right ? So you wanna be around people that's gonna give you that real feedback , no matter how much it stings , right ? So you know you want to be around people that's going to give you feedback , that's going to ask you questions , be invested and help you go to the next level . And it would be nice if you could surround yourself with people who have gone further than you or in the direction that you want to go right , because they've already blazed a trail and they could help you in navigating that space right . So you know those are three things that you wanna do to continue to grow . Reflection , invest in leadership development , get a mentor or coach or a leadership circle right ? So that is it . Those are the five shifts .

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So just a really quick recap of the five shifts that's going to help you to stop trying to prove yourself and be in this validation mode to positioning yourself , showing impact and value . The first one is you want to go from being liked to being trusted . Second one is if you want to go from saying yes to everything to leading with boundaries . Number three from doing it all to leading and lifting and developing others . Number four from staying invisible to communicating value with clarity and intention , just being strategic . Number five am I ready ? Two I am becoming so .

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Leadership isn't about showing off . It's about showing up with intentionality , structure and the ability to grow forward . I want to leave you with a quick message . Validation says look at me . Positioning says here's how I can help . It's time to stop chasing validation and start building value with intention , strategy and operational structure that amplifies your leadership . If this episode spoke to you right where you are in your leadership journey or where someone else might be , share it . These shifts are real . They are necessary and worth reflecting on a regular basis , and if you are a leader or business owner trying to build a high-performing team or create capacity in your role , reach out . This is exactly why I created the Lead Ops program and this is how I help leaders . So until next time , lead with clarity , capability and confidence . You've been listening to Leveraging Operations and Leadership . I'm Tonya D Harrison . Let's talk soon .